words of advice?

i have a friend who is..... well...... self harming herself. not cutting! she says that she just scratches her arm enough to where it will bleed. she has been soing in for a few years now, and i want to help her. her excuse for not getting help already is that it isn't as bad as cutting. she says you can't accidentaly commit suicide with scratching like you can with cutting.

i want to help her, but what do i say? how do i help? what do i tell her to make her realize that she is hurting herself like this?

any advice?

Books-A-Million tears

i went to BAM (books a million) for the first time since November 28. aka, the break up. my dad and i happened to sit at a table right next to THE table, the one me and HIM sat at. i literally started crying, and thank gosh i had a book open. if my dad noticed, he probably thought it was from the book.

i saw that table and all i could do was think about sitting there with him, and i heard him say "i think we should break up" over and over and over again. it was like a one line monologue going through my head. it physically hurt me, it made my tummy hurt. now i am sick.

i know alot of you are probably saying he wasn't worth it or get over him, or you are too young to have feelings like this and this is jsut teen drama. you are probably right. but he was my first serious boyfriend and the longest relationship i had ever been in, which is honestly kind of sad. i have always been afraid to trust people, cuz i don't want to get hurt, but i trusted him. and he hurt me. i don't think i can trust anyone outside my family the way i trusted him anymore. (more teen drama, i am so melodramatic, but i'm 15. give me a break.)

i don't plan on marriage. im gonna adopt.

meltdown @ the Weeks'

so this morning the internet was shut off. mom spent more than an hour on and off the phone trying to sort it out. it was because of some unknown bill from at&t or something like that. mom has been in a sour mood the rest of the day, and i have been really anti-social. i get like that when i am worried. so mom had a small meltdown, and i guess i did too, in a sort of way.

i can't help but be worried. i mean, what is next? the car? the house? the electricity? the water? it sucks to have to constantly worry about bills at home AND my grades at school. we ended exam week @ school yesterday. but all during exams, and through out regular school, my mind always finds its way to the house, bills, worrying about dad, worrying about mama sue, worrying about mom, worrying about not finding a job, and how much money my parents spend on me. they want to get me a laptop for Christmas! i mean, i want one, but that is just too much right now.

that is why i want a job. ANY job will do! i don't like feeling like a burden to my parents. i want a truck when i turn 16. that isn't going to happen, but my dad is still looking! if my parents get me a laptop, i might slap them in the face! i mean, i will be totally grateful, but how much will it cost? how much will it put them out? i feel bad asking for new clothes now, even though i need them. i hate feeling like a burden. i hate feeling helpless. i hate havign to go around worrying about adult stuff.

what do i do?

very very sad face

yesterday we (my sissy, mom and me) went to the rory bee's birthday party. it was super fun! before the party mr. tim, sissy and i took rory to Gymboree, which wore her out! we got back to laurens house and baisically waited an hour for two o'clock to come. lauren looked at me and sissy and asked which of us wanted to have our hair straight, and i totally didn't pass up that offer. i love it when my hair is straight.

so we were sitting in laurens big bathroom, and sitting in that chair while lauren did my hair brought back soooooooo many memories of when i was little. doing pig tails, frinch braids, regular braids....... it made me miss spending the night with lauren. then i realized that the last time sissy and i spent the night was february of 08, 4 months before uncle jerry died. it has been almost three years since we spent the night with lauren! so sissy and i dropped hints about the idea during the party. when mom told us it was time to go, i just lost hope.

sarah and i cried all the way home. literally. i am pretty sure mom could tell, but maybe she thought all the stuffy noses were because of the weather. who knows. all i know is that i miss my cousin, we both do, and it makes me sad to think that it has been that long since we have had a Lauren, Sarah, Tori day. :(

HAPPY BRITHDAY TO YOU!!!!!

happy brithday rory bear!

today is rory's 2nd birthday party! just thought you'd like to know that.

mom and sissy and i are going down to b-ham for the party, and when we get there sissy and mr. tim and i are gonna take rory to Gymboree and wear her out! i am going to do a lot of studying while i am donw there. a LOT of studying. exams are next week, and Mrs. Green (u. s. history teacher) said that we could use our study guides on the test! BOO-YAH!!!!

20$ song

i have bet my father that i can learn the song LIFE IS A ROCK BUT THE RADIO ROLLED ME in a week. he has to give me 20 bucks if i can. if i can't i learn and perform 5 songs of his choosing with no complaints. i should have bet thirty. here is a link to the song so you can see why i should have said thrity bucks-----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-9fk12ZWiU

pray for me!

I'll be Home for Christmas......

remember that song too? well, it's not a lie. EVERYONE is at christmas for our family. except......... one. i don't mind though. he has to work, or else we wouldn't be here. we would be on the streets. that can't happen. so of course he has to work through christmas and thanksgiving and new years and stuff. although this year he made it to thanksgiving, i know that he won't make christmas. i say again, i don't mind. i think he was there last year, so he deserves a couple of skip years. i'm used to it. i seriously don't mind.

then why am i crying?