its over

he called me last night. i asked him "what is Tiffany Ann Bishop to you?" and he sighed and said "I have been meaning to tell you...". he said he has always had feelings for his ex girlfriend. he had feelings for her when we were dating. he goes "so what i'm saying is..." "We're done." i finished the sentence for him. he said "kay."

then i told him that i had loved him and that it was hard for me to trust him cux everytime i trust someone i get hurt and he hurt me and he said "kay." i told him that i thought he wouldn't hurt me, and that he had said he would never hurt me, and he did anyway and he said "kay." i told him to never call me or contact me and that i never wanted to see him again and i never wanted to hear his name and he said "kay."

that was all he said. "kay." "kay." "kay."

and that was all i heard in my dreams last night.

4

HAPPY FORUTH OF JULY!!!!!!!!!! dont do fireworks in a field. or at least don't set it on fire DADDY!

cheater

John is cheating on me. and i am an idiot.

Letter to Uncle Jerry

i am so sorry Uncle Jerry. i had completley and totally forgotten what today was. how stupid am i? i should have called Lauren and told her i love her. i should have done the same for Auntie Connie.

we all miss you Uncle Jerry. truly. i will never forget that last dance recitle when you came to the front of the theater and danced with me. i will NEVER forget that.

i find myself thinking about you alot these days. i find myself praying for Lauren, your Fritz. i find myself wishing you could meet my friends, and the boy i love. but i know that you already know them. i know that you already watch over Lauren and Auntie Connie and Sarah and Me.

i miss you so much. but know that the tears i cry as i write this are not tears of sorrow. they are tears of happiness, for knowing you are at the side of His throne makes me happy.

all my love,
BUG

luck?

i wish i could spend more time with John than i really am. and we are always at my house on the computer listening to music and watching him play games on facebook (and stealing small kisses *_*). im not saying that that isn't fun, i just wish we could go on a DATE date, ya know? i am gonna have some money soon, so im gonna try for a movie date. wish me luck?

HE'S BAAAAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

JOHN IS BACK FROM CAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg i am sooooooooooo happy! we spent half the day yesterday together. i couldn't help but snuggle with him almost the entire time!

my boy is back. i am happy!

sadness upon sadness

John is at JROTC camp for five days. i didn't get to see him FOUR DAYS PRIOR HIS DEPARTURE!!!!!!!!!! i am SOOOOOOO depressed.

i woke up crying this morning, crying and saying his name.

is that too much too soon? cause i really do care for him.

happiness

i am sooooooooooooo happy! John (that boy i was talking to) asked me out so now we are dating! omg he makes me so happy!

there is a song i wanted to post a link for but its not letting me so just go to YouTube and type in Hoobastank- The Reason [with lyrics on screen+description] exactly like that and you will get it.

eeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp i am so HAPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

OH! my psych test results came in and i went to go over them yesterday. i have Major Depression and Generalization Anxiety Disorder (GAD). it basically means that i am severly depressed and never NOT anxious about anything, therefore anxious about EVERYTHING. i am also slightly impulsive.

HAAAAAAPPPPPPPYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

this whole thing with John is so simple. its not complicated at all. i met him that night at Daikin and it was like something clicked. we got to talking and it was like i had known him all my life, and it made sense for us to date. its a good feeling, like........... love at first sight?

SCHOOL IS OUT/ Happy News/ Sad News

SCHOOL IS OUT BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLZ YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am talking to someone. a boy. :) he is really sweet and nice and funny and charming and sensetive and shy but still outgoing and into some of the stuff i am into and *takes deep breath* i really like him. :)

my best friend left yesterday to move to Arizona. :,(

EXAM WEEK

exam week at school. four days of vigorous testing and then no school friday. i hate exam week. there is so much pressure, and then i still have slight drama with some friends. and im on my period, so ill be cramping while i test.

oh exam week, how i HATE you.

eh

so much crap, so little time. best friend is moving to Arizona. Meghan ran away again, and i am done worrying about THAT! i am just so ready for this nightmare they call school to be over.

messin with the ol'blog

i am having FUN with all the new blog stuff im finding, like fonts and stuff. yay!

songs

wrote a song tonight. my first original that i have ever performed. i was pretty proud of myself. and then sarah sang her new original Butterfly Pinned to the Wall.

she didn't mean to out do me. but she did. i sat there and heard the lyrics and thought, "those are the kind of lyrics i would write. why can't i? why can't i write songs?"

cuz i can't. at all. and whats the point when you are always over shadowed by your sister? she doesn't mean to, it just happens.....

she has been caught. she is home. she has called me. she is fine. but i am so tired of Meghan's crap. i still love her, cause she was my first best friend and i would be completley lost without her, but i am sick and tired of having to deal with her crap.

does that make me a bad friend?

LOBSTAH MODE & Mimi News

there was a block party for japan yesterday in the Fred's parking lot. the Austing JCC did a chibi table, where people got portraits of themselves done. i wore a tank top...... i am an IDIOT!!!!! i had been out there since 11, and i couldn't find anyone with some sunblock. about 45 minutes to an hour after i had been there, i found some spf 50 coppertone. used it. came back 30 minutes later. used it. then i had to help with the dunking booth, since i wasn't drawing. not a good idea. well, about 30 minutes before i left, i found some spf 85 coppertone. didn't help. i am now in Lobster Mode. i shiver on and off from pain. ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow....... NOTE TO SELF: LISTEN to mom when she says "Put on a T-shirt"!!!! we have had some news on Mimi (Meghan's nickname from me). she was still in Spokane as of Friday. she was seen at her friends' grandmother's house. the police are not activley looking for her since it is NOT illegal to run away in WA. i think they still should since she is a) a minor and b) has been missing for over 48 hours. please pray. sunburnt. ow. pain. ow. Ow. OOOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE

pray

my best friend Meghan McBroom has run away from her home in Spokane, Washington. she was last seen yesterday at her house at three, when she left to go for a walk and never came back. please, i beg of you, pray for her, and that she is safe, and not lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

better

im better....... ish.

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad AFTERNOON!

i had horseback riding after school, and that was fine. then i went to books-a-million to see if there was a book i was looking for- answer is no. so i am standing in the Manga sections flipping through the first Foxy Lady book, and some jerk-wad come up behind me and touches my butt very lightly. i thought is was an accident and waited for him to pass by. then he pinched it, making me squeak. i truned and almost slapped him.
"Excuse me?!" i said, and he looked confused.
"What?" he asked.
"You know what!" i said, and he just grinned and left.
i don't know why, but i didn't report it. embarrassment, i guess.
then i was looking at their movies and i saw the concert version of Les Miserables and i got super excited! then i saw that it was 5 dollars more than i had: without tax. so i just bought Foxy Lady while i slowly got depressed.
then two wasps came out of frikin NOWHERE and dive-bombed me! i ran to the truck and had to climb in through the passanger seat and slam the door shut- ON MY FOOT - just to escape!
then another jerk-wad cut me off while i was driving home, and i had to slam on my brakes, so now i have whip-lash!
i want to cry.

crap

so much stuff lately. got a parking space at school. tried out for advanced drama and made it. ONLY GOOD STUFF!!!!!!!!

mom is on CHANTRIX, which is supposed to help her stop smoking. she is going through some MAJOR sideaffects right now. not her fault, its the medication.

my best friend is hiding some very important stuff from me, and i don't like it. i want to know if she is really sick, cuz then i could........ i honestly don't know what i could do. i could know, at least.

i am very lonely. not in the no frieds kinda way. in the single kinda way. not much i can do. i guess my being single is a good thing.

no crushes. not being crushed on. i have a headache.

birthdays

today is my cousin Cody's 10th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Happy Birthday Cody Man.

I'll love you forever and like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

partay!

my friend BAILEY is spending the night with us for the first time EVAH!

PARTY AT THE WEEKS HOUSE!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!!

o.m.g.

i just opened my fortune cookie and it said, "Say hello to my little friend." .......... i am dead serious

........................................ what?

blah. 'tis my feeling and emotion right now. blah.

went to the Daily Brew tonight after the band concert. ran into four peeps from school, two whom i didn't know, one who has a hard-to-put-into-words guy i know from french, and a guy who's dad knew my mom before his dad died. his girlfriend didn't seem to like the fact that he was real chatty with me and my sister, and she kept giving me these looks. these 'back off he's mine' looks. like HE would ever even THINK about cheating on her with ME of all people. i laughed in the bathroom for ten minutes!

i have a truck. a read 2000 S-10 Chevy named Lucy, buz she is one quirky little red-head. (if you don't get the name, i will pray for you.)

now entering tornado season. blah.

birthday surprise

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!! so guess who is at our house RIGHT NOW????? Lauren, Rory, Mr. Time, and Aunt Connie!!!!!!!! what an icredible surprise! and we got the prettiest rings with our birthstones!!!! and bracelets from Aunt Connie. the rings are from Lauren.

maybe this won't be a bad birthday after all.

blarg

Happy Single's Awareness Day.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day. Hate it.

Happy Valentine's Day.

no Carpal Tunnel

so it turns out that i had a bone out of place in my hand. how weird is that? and my entire body is sore from yesterday. guess what i did?

I RODE HORSES!!!!!!!!

i am back to riding lessons, and since it has been about three or four years, my muscles ache! i mean, a person uses close to every single frikin muscle riding a horse, and it hurts when you're not used to it! but Mr. James, my instructor, told me i am better now than i was four years ago!!!!!

how amazing is that?!

100th POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY FOR ME!!! *does celebratory dance*

so, this is my 100th post! and i have some great new to talk about in it........ CREDIT RECOVERY IS DONE WITH!!!!!!!!!!

sorry. my hand is hurting too much to write anymore. seeing the doc today. wish me luck?

Carpal Tunnel

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is pressure on the median nerve- the nerve in the wrist that supplies feeling and movement to parts of the hand. It can lead to numbness, tingling, weakness, or muscle damage in the hand and fingers. Typing on a computer keyboard is the most common cause of Carpal Tunnel. Aslo driving, writing, painting, etc.

Symptoms include:

• Numbness or tingling in the thumb and next two or three fingers of one or both hands
• Numbness or tingling on the palm of the hand
• Pain extending to the elbow
• Problems with fine finger movement (coordination) in one or both hands
• Wasting away of the muscle under the thumb (in advanced or long-term cases)
• Weak grip or difficulty carrying bags
• Weakness in one or both handi might have Carpal Tunnel.

i am esperiencing every symptom except pain to my elbows and the wasting away of the muscles. i am soooo worried and my mom isn't really. she thinks that i am doing what my cousin does and worrying over nothing. but it hurts to even type this blog post. my left hand has been hurting for at least three days, maybe four. is no one worried?

i'm in pain.

trust issues

so, aparantly, because the computer monitor is turned to an angle that rendures it un-viewable unless you are directly in front of it means that i am doing something i am not supposed to be doing. WRONG!!!!!!!!!! i was turned in my chair, my feet propped up on the side of the piano, and i didn't want to have to turn my head in a weird way so i adjusted the monitor. now i am a lier!

i just can't be trusted, can i?

grrrrr

the fish oil needs to work faster. i am having some pretty severe mood swings, and i also just dropped a glass cup, therefore causing stress.

if i have enough birthday money i am dying my hair and getting a swedish massage.

side-affects of my stuff

it doesn't say so on the bottle, but St. Johnswart can give you a headache. i have to take it three times a day, and i have already gone throughout the day with a horrible migrane! im gonna have to talk to the therapist about that.

grrrrr...........

new stuff

so, my psychologist started me on two herbal supplements. St. Johnswart for the depression, and Fish Oil for the mood swings. i honestly beleive that with those two meds, the therapy, and my horseback riding lessons that i am going to take up again, that nothing else should go wrong.

i have started to have anxiety attacks. within the past two days, i have had about three major ones and even more small ones. that freaks me out, but i shall persevere! did i spell that right? XD

Groundhog Day and the pilot light

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! and our pilot loght went out last night so there is no hot water....... :(

Useless Credit Recovery

i am in credit recovery to recover the last six weeks of ALGEBRA 1B!!!!! so why am i doing ALGEBRA 2 work to recover points for and ALGEBRA 1B class?

the school system has problems.

I'M BRAVE!!!!!!!! maybe

so, last night before i went to bed, i asked one of my friends if he would like to join me and my family this thursday at the Daily Brew for open mike night. he didn't text back so i figured he was asleep. but, yeah, i technically asked him out on a date. if he is at school today (he has had a respritory infection all weekend) then i will tell him that if he can't come thursday then we can do something this weekend.

wish me luck?

credit recovery and the boring aspects of my life

well, if you didn't know this, i am an idiot when it comes to math. i know my mom thinks differently, but this is my opinion. you know what else? i. hate. math. i hate algebra with the burning intesity of a thousand flames. so, despite my efforts to learn the stupid thing, i failed. i epically failed. i did not pass the last six weeks before christmas break. so, instead of paying 100 dollars for summer school, i am paying 50 dollars for credit recovery.

credit recovery is a program where a student can spend two hours a day for three weeks earning back the credits of the class they failed. since i am only doing one 6 weeks, i only have to go for six day. i do not have to go every day for six days. i can go on any day for six days within the alotted three weeks. sweet!

i have recently discovered the song Firework by Katy Perry. There are very few songs, VERY FEW, that i like that are song by her. I can now add Firework to that list, so that makes........... three songs.

i also like the song Animal by Neon Trees.

stuff

so yesterday my mother, father, sister, and i went to go see............. THE GREEN HORNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! awesome movie! and then, for lunch today, we had.............. FIVE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!! awesome lunch!!!! if i have a heart attack from all of the grease i will die happy :)

grrrr

get me out of my freakin house. please. i am so tired of this.

birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the Brew and Johnny Wyker

so tonight was open mike night at the Daily Brew. we had a special guest: Johnny Wyker. he is....... eccentric, but in a good way.

so it came to be mine and sarah's turn to do a song together. we sang Orinoco Flow. mom said he was interested, but he just continued his conversation with someone. sarah, mick, and i went up to do two songs. we did Anyone Else but You first, and he continued with his conversation. we then did the 20$ song (Life is a Rock but the Radio Rolled Me) and he continued his conversation. then sarah came up and did two songs.

she did an original. he conversed. but when she broke into Oh Darling by The Beatles, you bet your butt he stopped. he payed attention. and he stood and applauded for her. i sat down with him after she was done and he sang her praises. "finally someone catches my eye in this place!" he says.

i smile and nod and agree and excuse myself to go pee. he LOVED sarah. "what did he say about you?" you ask? well, i will tell you............... nothing. absolutley nothing. and my dad, Mr. Tact, comes over to me and says, "he is a hard punchin song kind of guy. next time, do a hard song, like Pullin' back the Reins." i nod.

so recap: a Rock and Roll Royal came to the Daily Brew and was impressed with my sister. he was silent about me. i have a headache. that stressed me out WAY more than it should have. and my friend is still in the hospital and won't tell me why.

im going to bed.

oh my gosh......

my best friend had to go to the doctor today, and she was admitted to the hospital. she doesn't know why, or she does and she won't tell me. that worries me sooooooooooooooooo much, cuz she is suicidal, and she might have done something that had gotten her hospitalized and she won't tell me.
WORRIED!!!!!

epic fail

i have epic fail-ed. we play the Brew TONIGHT!!!! i meant to blog bout it last night but i was tired and in bed early. it turns out that the person who was supposed to play TODAY thought that they were playing LAST NIGHT so we switched......... CONFUSING!!!!

anyway, long story short, we are playing tonight. same place at the same time. so.... the Daily Brew, 6pm to 8pm. TELL EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

FIRST GIG EVAH!!!!!!

FIRST GIG EVAH!!!!!!!!!!!

tomorrow night from 6 to 8 at the Daily Brew sarah and i will be singing and playing. we are just supposed to be some backgroung noise, so it will be soft and mellow stuff unless the dinner crowd is rowdy. ;) but PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!!!! what ever tips we get will be doubles for our pay, so....... 0x0=0....... so yeah.

please tell EVERYONE you know who is willing to watch two 15 year old girls try to play and sing their first gig.

being crazy, trying to fix the crazy, and...... SNOW

i am crazy. literally. i have completley lost my mind, and i know this from fact.i have proof. but, we are trying to fix the crazy. last week i call Dr. Marques to get a recomendation for a psychologist. i had to list the reasons why, and was given a name. after several failed attempts at contacting her, she finally called us back, and i now have an appointment with her on Wednesday at 2......... in Madison. hopefully we will have the money for the gas.

we have so much snow right now! itz amazing! i never thought i would see that much snow in my life! EVER!!!!!!!!!

no more shopping :(

sorry i never did a shopping day 3, but there really wasn't. on the fourth day of the weekend we went to Crackerbarrel and met our parents. DAD WAS ACTUALLY THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! big surprise huh? we all got lots of great clothes, and i got a kick BUTT pair of black boots! i also got a pair of cargo pants that i LOVE and am gonna wear to school tomorrow. YAY SCHOOL! (you know that was sarcasm, right?)

shopping day 2

shopping day 2. all i got was 2 shirts to go under my cardigan sweater things. but i have done pretty good, considering that shopping usually kills my self esteem. i am now on Lauren's red couch watching RENT and when i am done on here we will do our nails.

i was laying on the red couch and Lauren was holding Rory and Rory woke up and got out of Lauren's lap and got into mine. then she slept in my arms for a while. she smelled really good, and she was really warm, and i just did not want to let her go. i loved it.